Everyone is doing it...

I know I have ranted about this before but I feel the need to talk about this a little more. Perhaps by discussing my fears I will be able to understand more about myself and why I fear the thought of having children. Is it my selfish ways that make the desire to have children completely obsolete? Is it silly to think that my freedom, my personal time and space will disappear as soon as a tiny being with its own mind, thoughts and desires pops out of my body? That is another thing...yes the belly sounds fabulous. I must admit that I would love to sit in bed and gorge on a giant bowl of cereal resting a-top of my big-ol'-belly but am I ready to have my bits and pieces stretched beyond imagination where I have to wear a pad the size of my a baby diaper after the beautiful but life limiting bundle of joy comes out?

I am getting to the ripe old age of making babies and yet my desire to do so is null and void. Friends all around me are getting hitched, buying their condos and destroying every one of my 2008 summer dreams of parties, camping and days at the beach sipping cold beers and gawking at the beach goers because they are "getting ready" (quitting: smoking, substances, and drinking too much) to prepare their bodies for a life long exhausting journey of raising a small person to become a socially well rounded human being who understands the difference of right and wrong and to hopefully become a 'good citizen'...whatever that means.

So here I sit and wait...only time will tell (meaning my internal clock) if I will be ready and willing or kicking and screaming into motherhood.

Time to write

So I said I was back and then I left again. I don't know if it's writers block or the challenge of expressing my emotions right now. I am in a good place but for whatever reason I can't seem to get what is in my head onto these cyber pages that you people find and read, perhaps you add me to your favourites or simply delete. Many of you may have left my pages to find new and exciting bloggers who create joy, sadness or curiousity in your life. My apologies. I know to keep up a blog is extremely important but if there is no creative juices flowing...to me it's just a waste. So here I go again. I am letting someone into my blog world. You know you are. Here you will find my personal struggles, random thoughts, and my 'day in the life' chronicles. These random thoughts that I share are ways of coping with my internal struggles or simple stories I would like to share. So here I am back in the saddle, starting a new journey... won't you come ride with me?