Happening all at once...

Everything is about to change. New relationship, new career, possibly a new place to live. They say things happen in three's and here is proof. My life for the past few years was in slow motion...living life day by day...no thoughts of future plans only thoughts of where am I travelling to next. Now with my life in overdrive I feel the need to gear down and take a glance out the window now and then to make sure I am not passing anything by. My feelings are mixed. Both excitement and terror overwhelm me in moments when I am cruising through the forests of my hometown on my ladybug with my dog scrambling along beside me, tongue hanging out and eyes wide with excitement. I am ready to become a grown up, or at least I thought I was. Now I often think life would be a lot better if we started out old and got younger each day...then we can look forward to the carefree life of a child again.

Honesty sucks sometimes

Honesty is the Human quality of communicating and acting truthfully. I sometimes have a problem with it. I know that honesty is important but what happens when you don't tell something about your past so that you don't hurt the one you love? There is no excuse for lying but when it is to protect someone you care about, why is it so bad? I have been struggling with this for the last few days and I have come to realize that keeping things from the person who cares about you is wrong. Unfortunately I found this out the hard way by getting caught in a lie. Now I wish I could take it all back. The thing I lied about was not something I did that I shouldn't have...I just thought it was something that was part of my personal past which I felt did not need to be part of the present or other people's business. So now I sit here alone again to think about what I have done. It's time to stop worrying about others feelings for a while and take care of me.

time does heal...

Time heals right? Well how f***ing long do I have to wait? I do realize that when someone you care about most hurts you that it will take time to get over it. I do not hold grudges. I am a forgiving person but with an overactive imagination that floods my emotional pool that

I thought I was able to keep at a calm. It is easy to tell somebody else how to live their life. We say "get over it" yet cannot listen to our own advice even when we give it willingly to those we love and care about. Does this mean I don't love myself enough to take my own advice? Do you think that we project our feelings and emotions onto others because we are too terrified to listen to ourselves? It feels like a huge weight is lifted off of your shoulders when you tell a friend what they need to do with their life in order for them to be happy because it is actually what you wish to say to yourself but for some reason you just don't listen.

Change is good

Things are changing all around me. We are said to be creatures of habit and the idea of change is hard to accept but we manage to adapt. As we get older some changes are unavoidable. Friends become more distant as they get married and start a family. Other changes include realizing you are not nineteen anymore and you have bills to pay, a career and a personal life to manage. Routine is comforting. But when your comfort zone starts to loosen around the edges, panic sets in. It is the strangest feeling to know that life is taking a serious turn in a completely new direction and you want to hold on for dear life to the all too familiar parts of your life that made things easy. So here I go...I am going to do my best to embrace it...but I am scared to death.

missing you

It's been a long time since I thought about you. I know it sounds terrible but if I visualize when you were here, sadness consumes me. I wish that everyday I could think about the good times such as dancing to Elvis in the living room on Sundays but I am not that strong. Any memory of you shatters my world. I know it is awful to wish that it happened to someone else but I don't care. I did not have the chance to get to know everything about you as I was too young. I did not get to talk to you about boys, share funny moments I had with friends or tell you how much I looked up to you. I know I don't think of you enough and it is too difficult to talk about you with others but please know that if I could give every wonderful experience in my life to have you back, even if for one minute...I would.

Too much information

How much is too much when telling others about your relationships? I am one of those people who say whatever is on my mind and talk freely of my life, love and friendships. I feel that talking about problems or feelings I have with others help me deal with the situation better. I don't feel it is rude to talk about things that are important to me and I often need to hear others opinions and insights in order to make sense of my situation. I have no shame in telling others my life at that moment is not going well...no one has a perfect life and I guess I am just one of those people who don't feel the need to hide it. Often times I do feel terrible about talking about close friends in not-so-positive ways but I am just being real. I don't want to candy coat anything. If I find a friend is behaving badly I express that to them and others who I feel should know. If I am having difficulty in my relationships with men, I tell my friends about it. After all, these are my friends and I trust them entirely and I know they will not judge.

Who am I?

I make fun of people to get a laugh. I have a bad temper. I don't feel sorry for people. I get upset when I see animals abused on TV but barely bat and eyelash when people get murdered. I tell fibs to avoid hurting others. I like to flirt shamelessly with boys knowing full well I am not taking them home. Sometimes I don't brush my teeth in the morning. I hold things inside until I finally blow up at others who are often undeserving of it. I pee in the shower. I say horrible things under my breath to bad drivers. I have a really hard time telling people I care about them. I only like to hug certain friends and family. I used to make fun of people who watched CSI and now I am addicted. I don't like my friends dog...I think she is borderline retarded. I say things that are politically incorrect (see previous sentence). I have a nice figure, so I am told, but I constantly look in the mirror and tell myself I am fat. I think about what I am going to eat for the day as soon as I get out of bed. I am addicted to using the Entertainment book and try to only eat at those listed because I am cheap. I give the middle finger when I walk passed my neighbour's door because I think she is a miserable old spinster who complains too much. I hardly ever have my dog on a leash. Children annoy me. This is who I am. I will try to do my best to stop being negative and be more loving...but I can't promise you anything.