As much as I try to forget...the memories...the awful memories keep rushing back to me. Why can't I just let the past go? The past consumes me. I play those things that hurt me the most, over and over in my head until I suffocate on thoughts that make my heart ache, my stomach turn...I can't breathe. How does someone affect another so much so that it destroys their self confidence they worked so hard on rebuilding. Words can comfort you to a point...but actions speak the loudest. You can tell someone you love them over and over, but by doing so...the true meaning of that word becomes transparent and worn. The word "love" is not something you use to grasp at something that is drifting away. I wish that there was a mechanism in our brain that would allow us to erase all of those moments that tear us up so much. It would be easier to walk away from that person, place or thing forever so the pain would simply go away. But giving up would be easy...and I am not ready to do that yet.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I'm not ready yet.
As much as I try to forget...the memories...the awful memories keep rushing back to me. Why can't I just let the past go? The past consumes me. I play those things that hurt me the most, over and over in my head until I suffocate on thoughts that make my heart ache, my stomach turn...I can't breathe. How does someone affect another so much so that it destroys their self confidence they worked so hard on rebuilding. Words can comfort you to a point...but actions speak the loudest. You can tell someone you love them over and over, but by doing so...the true meaning of that word becomes transparent and worn. The word "love" is not something you use to grasp at something that is drifting away. I wish that there was a mechanism in our brain that would allow us to erase all of those moments that tear us up so much. It would be easier to walk away from that person, place or thing forever so the pain would simply go away. But giving up would be easy...and I am not ready to do that yet.
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5 comments:
I hate that another can affect us so... it's unnerving!
I don't know if you like bad words on your blog or not, this is my first or maybe second time here, but let me give you the words I try to live by:
"I will not let you steal my happiness. I will not try to steal yours. I don't care what you do as long as it doesn't affect me or my children. But, hurt my children, and I will fuck you up, badly."
Giving up is not easy. I've been trying to do it for years.....
I get this completely.
With complete understanding I send a hug.
Gretta xx
Melody - Thanks for those words of wisdom. I have a mouth like a sewer, no worries on the swearing.
Gretta - Thanks for that, I needed it.
When Melody said "bad words", I thought she meant she was going to leave a negative comment!
I hope whomever is causing you pain wakes up. To lose you would be a great loss indeed. Hugs from this side of the world too!
XOXOX
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