Do my best...

I will do my best to be honest with myself
I will do my best to be honest to others
I will do my best to let people in
I will do my best to close the door to my past
I will do my best to love unconditionally
I will do my best to tell someone I love them everyday
I will do my best to not take things too seriously
I will do my best to be a friend who does not judge
I will do my best to be positive
I will do my best to take care of me

That is the only thing I can promise you.

Life happens...

No matter how much you try to control the events in your life things will happen regardless of your efforts. You can search for answers but eventually you have to accept that this is how things are meant to be. You can choose a path in life and follow it with sheer determination but there will always be something that slows you down or switches the track and you careen off into another direction entirely. You struggle to stick to your plan but some other force is pulling you as you kick and scream. You either accept your fate and push on full steam ahead or put on the brakes and hope to hell you find your way back to your chosen route.

We are faced with opportunity and obstacles every day. We can either choose to put a stronghold on ourselves and resist change and please others by following the path that is expected of you...or you let fate step in. It's ok to be scared. It's your life to live but remember you don't have as much control as you think.

6 weird things I do before sleep or while sleeping

This is a response to Sara Sue's tag of 6 weird things...

1. Have a bath and make my important phone calls.
2. Put lotion on my elbows and hands (avocado body butter yummm) so I hopefully won't have saggy elbow skin when I get older...ewwww
3. Say good night to my dog Charlie and give him an ear rub!
4. Take a vitamin C and Ginseng...eventhough it hasn't been fighting any colds lately...starting to wonder if that shit even works.
5. Tell my mom I love her and I miss her
6. I have been told I talk sometimes in my sleep and snore like a 400lb trucker...not sure if that's weird or not...

It's up to you...

I have learned throughout the years to take responsiblity for my actions. For every action there is a reaction and for every choice we make we can expect good things or bad things. I have lived my life always worried about how other people felt and put their feelings before my own. Not any more. We all make poor decisions, we all make mistakes but when a person loses someone they care about as a result of their inability to take control of their life, it is nobody's fault but their own. I need to look out for myself. This does not mean I am not willing to lend a hand, provide guidance or love unconditionally, it means that I am not taking reponsiblity for another person's life choices. It is not up to me to make someone happy, it is up to them and them only.

No one is responsible for your happiness or unhappiness, only you are.

Over analyze this!

Why is it that people prefer to make a fuss over silly, unimportant things that only cause more problems than solutions? We go through life trying to make things more complicated by over-analyzing every single thing and when we finally make the decision, we go over the decision again in our heads to determine if we made the right one. There are just too many choices...maybe that's it. Why does there need to be 101 flavours of ice-cream? Stick with chocolate, vanilla and strawberry how hard is that? Going shopping can be head spinning as every clothing store has 25 styles of jeans. I have enough life decisions to make I don't have time to spend 2 hours in a dressing room. I wish things could be simple, easy and straight forward. We are surrounded by too much stuff. What happened to the good ol' days where everyone drove a ford or a chevy, drank just milk, not soy, half fat crap that is not providing you with the real good stuff that your body needs. It was a simple choice to make back then, one or the other, not one or the ten others...can't we go back to those days? I swear we would live longer, healthy, happier lives.

Material World

Why is it that we girls think that buying $100 pair of jeans that make our ass look great will make us feel better about ourselves? When those DISH jeans make your butt look like J-Lo's it feels fantastic but that feeling lasts only a moment and then reality sets back in. Material things are just that...material things. Instead of dealing with our inner demons by seeking counseling, therapy or taking yoga, we hit the mall for some ‘therapeutic’ spending. My visa is worn and faded because as soon as I hit an emotional bump in the road I hit the tiled floors and bright corridors of the outlet mall to buy something 'pretty' to fill that giant void in my life. It doesn't stop at clothing either. I started drinking wine during the week hoping that warm fuzzy feeling will drown out the voice in my head screaming out..."decide already...what path are you going to take...the smoothly paved road or the pot holed path leading into the unknown?”

God! It's so much easier to buy a good bra instead!

Laugh out loud

I love to laugh, who doesn't really? It makes you giddy, gives you goose bumps, and boosts your spirit. Why is it that you laugh harder when you know you are not suppose to? Like when you are in an elevator or classroom and it's dead silent...and your friend or co-worker does something silly or gives you a look and you feel the blood rush to your face, your ears get hot, eyes water and the giggles begin. People also seem to laugh at the most inappropriate times. For example my girlfriend decided (after several beers) to hop on some little kids bike and careen down a pot holed road. She flew like a pebble in a sling shot over the handlebars and ended up face down on the pavement with the bike wound up in her legs like a pretzel. She was definitely in pain...but the group of drunken gals' broke out into hysterics with some snorts thrown in and all my friend could utter out as she gasped for air with the handlebars wedged between her chest was "don't laugh now...laugh later", which only made the guffaws even louder! Then your body comes down for that burst of energy and jitters and you sigh loudly and re-call the event in your head...and it sends you back into hysterics.

This is the picture of my girlfriend who thought riding a kids bike after finishing a bottle of wine was a good idea...

"Deal" with it

I just want one. I don't want to make a choice. I want it to be easy. Why is it when you finally break loose from wanting and needing someone, meet a completely new person...then the one you broke loose from creeps up from behind and knocks you on your ass again? It is an interesting phenomenon...just when you think to yourself "my life is on track and I am in control"...BAM you're hit with a left hook and all you see is flashes of what could have been, should have been...might have been and could still be.

I am dealt a great hand but I always throw back two cards and ask the dealer for more....just for the excitement! Go on "take a chance" I say..."what's the worse that could happen?" I get dealt two new cards and now my odds of winning are slim to none...do I bluff, pretend everything is OK, be strong and throw in a couple chips and face what's coming to me? Or do I fold, give up and wait until the next hand is dealt, which could be far worse than what I have in my hand right now? I throw the extra chips...what the hell...I lose the round but I feel that the next round will be more exciting than the last....Deal me in!