Impact...

As the song comes on the radio, you disappear into your secret place, that memory that makes your chest ache or flutter with excitement or sends that hot rush of blood through your body. That song that comes on the radio that catches you off guard and you fight back the tears, your hands shake and you forget for a moment that you are driving. How is it that a song can mean so much? Perhaps it's the words that are said that hit you in all the right or wrong places. It's almost like the lyrics were written about your life. Or perhaps that certain song played while you were experiencing your first kiss, first dance, first hahemmm or that first moment when you looked into his eyes and you thought...this could be him. We all have those special songs and they may have changed your life for worse or for better, but it somehow made an impact.

Songs that make my knees weak or heart pound.
More than Sorry - Ben Harper, Sideways - Citizen Cope

First Time for Everything

You meet at a small coffee shop on a busy cross street downtown so that there is the possibility of people watching in the case that your blind date is boring, weird or has not dealt with his anger issues yet and you need a distraction. You arrive first. You know this because everywhere you turn there are couples, old people and their dogs and a gorgeous man dressed to kill and you know that only in your wildest dreams, this would be the guy. So you order a coffee that requires 5minutes to order because you ordered the tall, half decaf, one pump vanilla, extra hot, with whip and caramel so that you can kill time and make it look like you have not been waiting long. You find a table outside beside a guy who is emailing wildly on his laptop. You think to yourself he is either writing an amazing essay and he is at the climax of his story or he is describing naughty things he wants to do to his girl/boyfriend when he gets home. So you sit with your coffee, check yourself in the window to make sure that the toxic car exhaust has not completely frizzed your hair. After 10 minutes you now begin to get nervous. This guy stood me up...maybe he saw me and kept on walking...you think to yourself "am I that fugly?" Finally you see a guy enter the coffee house discreetly searching for a single gal. You smile in his direction, he catches your eye, and heads on over...ok this is it. What do you now...do you shake hands, hug, or just say hi!?

I have my first ever online date invitation. I will keep you posted on how it unfolds.

Good day sunshine...dahdahdahdahdah!

As I walk my dog each morning through the forested trails the crisp air cools my nose and the cold air hits my lungs as if I just ate a mint. At 5:30am the only thing I hear are birds singing their morning song. The dew on the succulent deciduous bushes are glistening as Charlie hurdles through them chasing an unfortunate squirrel that got caught in his sights. The sky is clear and the wetness on the leaves begin to evaporate. It is going to be a hot one today, I can feel it.

What is it about the sunshine that gives you such wonderful energy? The rays put a smile on your face when you step into the natural light, the warmth of the sun kissing your cheeks and the soft, subtle breeze licking through your hair. The positive vibration rushes through your body as the rays of light follow you...duck behind a building and grab you again as you pass by an opening. I wish that I could feel this energy the sun brings to me always.

Game called LIFE

I roll the dice onto the colourful board game of LIFE. I jump three spaces and pick up a card, read my clue and decide my next strategy. Do I drive ahead four spaces in my plastic car with missing holes of where my "husband and kids" should be hoping that around the next bend that cute boy with the tattoos, hot car, who is not afraid to cuddle in public, who has a great job and a cute dog is waiting for me? OR do I reverse three blocks back to take a chance on the one who broke my heart into so many pieces that I am is still kicking them across the floor when I move the couch to vacuum? I decide to move ahead four spaces, wait my turn, and roll again. Doubles! Here is my chance to by-pass the church and pass up picking up the kids to fill my back seat because I need room for my dog, and drudge on into the unknown. I sit in idle while I watch others play their game of LIFE. Some have filled the holes in their cars...others truck along without picking up a chance card, play it careful and continue on down the same red road with no hesitation only to finish the game without ever exiting off the freeway. The dice are passed to me and I toss them carelessly across the board. Snake eyes! I pick up another card from the heaping pile of LIFE's choices...what is my next move? After experiencing bumpy roads and wrong turns, I decide to reverse five blocks back. I park in front of a house with a white picket fence...I begin to panic...do I turn off the ignition get out and begin a life with missing pieces that I am not fully confident I will ever find again? Or do I get back into that car with the three empty holes, drive through the stop sign and get on the freeway to take the road less traveled? Is it still possible to win?

Giving up too soon?

So this online dating thing....there are no boys within an 80 mile radius of my hometown. I thought I would do a custom search...the results were terrible...maybe I am being too picky, or maybe this just isn't for me? Is it so bad to dream about being 'swept off your feet' by a handsome, funny, financially stable man that catches your eye from across the parking lot...comes over and tells you how beautiful you are and that he would love to take you out to a nice restaurant, drink great wine and cuddle on a beach and watch the sunset...am I asking too much here people?! I guess so. Then I thought to myself...the woman is usually the one to make the first move. We are the ones that stare from across the room and give them a wink or a smile, we are the ones who have the courage to buy him a drink or make small talk...and we gals are the ones who decide who we are taking home. So why is it so damn hard for me? I guess hanging out with my dog and camping with girlfriends are limiting my options, but I don't have the desire to look, I want them to look for me. Maybe I am having a difficult time because my experience with men so far has been disappointing. I have been in two serious relationships. My first one was my high school sweetheart and that ended terribly. The second one was everything I wanted in a man, at least so I thought...and in the end I was sadly disappointed. They were both completely opposite people and if I had a giant magic wand...I would combine their best attributes and then I would have the perfect man! But the perfect man does not exist and ofcourse I am not perfect either. We all have our flaws, our dirty secrets, our insecurities. I just have to find the one who loves all my imperfections, wants a house with a yard and loves to travel...I will find him...oh yes...I will find him.

Trailer Park Treasures

Some are cute, some are ugly, some well...just plain tacky. But you find them in all shapes and sizes in the trailer parks across America. Some may wave or give a thumbs up! Others may smirk as they stand in silence. There are others that don't have a face...or a name...they were simply left near the curb for the garbage man to collect. But somebody out there found these homeless creatures and gave them another chance. They piled them into their oversized trunks, backseat of their Buicks or the back of their old Ford pick-up trucks and brought them to their new home...the front lawns of the Sumas Trailer Park. Here they feel at home, are among friends and laugh at those passing by as they protect their forested hideaway.

Online Dating - Experience number one

Ok, so I logged into my online dating website and much to my surprise there were several smiles sent to me. There was one guy that I thought...hmmm he is cute and he sounds interesting...so I smile back. Well...he sends an email with a link to his myspace site. Ooops bad move! I know that every person is going to put their best picture on their page because; hey we all want to look good! But when a person posts a picture of themselves and then sends you a link to see more photos...they should really take a look the picture they used to pick up chicks...he looks nothing like the real deal. I know that doesn't make sense...but it's true. Hey...I am not being stuck up here, but I am attracted to certain men, and well when I get a picture of a good looking man, and then see the real him...and he is a 110lb homely looking man who wears socks with sandals...I start to feel a bit discouraged. Cute Jewess what is your secret?! I guess I should have been more careful with blurry backyard photos and toques covering his bald head. My bad. However there is a cute boy, very tall, that also sent an email...we cleared the air that he is not the type of cyclist that wears fluorescent green spandex with butt pads, so I am feeling a bit better...let's see where this one takes us.

Dating for Dummies

So I did it. I finally registered myself on online dating. I have no idea what to expect but I am sure I will get some good laughs along the way. It would be nice to meet some new guys as the circle of friends that I have are either married, dating or don't really have any cute, funny, interesting boys for me, how sad. I have never really dated anyone. I was in a 10 year relationship and then jumped into another relationship shortly after for over a year and now I am single and a bit worried. I am 31years old and have no idea what the dating world is all about. How do you meet men? Do you go to the bar? Do you hang out at the grocery store? What if he catches me with tampons in my basket...how embarrassing or even worse what if he picked up some weird food items like pigs feet or blood sausage...ewww! So here I am...putting my hobbies, likes, dislikes and what I like to do for fun on some random message board where thousands of potentially interesting men or creepy weirdoes can check me out. I am nervous but intrigued. I really hope I don't to turn into one of those pathetic women who check their inbox everyday 5min to see if someone sent them a smile...oh god help me! I will post stories of this new and interesting experience just for shits and giggles. Stay tuned!

All about nothing

I have been enjoying the weather, riding my fantastic bike and hanging out with my dog. Funny story about my pooch. The fire safety inspectors were testing fire alarms in my building last Friday. Having no choice but to leave my dog at home since I was unable to find a dog sitter, I locked him in the bedroom with the cat. This way the guys entering my suite to test my fire alarm don't get eaten by a Pittbull, Sheppard, Ridgeback cross. I arrive home Friday to find out that the strata slipped my ONLY house key (the fire guys used to enter my suite) under my door assuming I had another one. Well they assumed wrong! So I had to track down the strata lady who then had to call a locksmith to get me into my suite where my dog is frantically waiting for me and probably having to pee like a race horse.

So I decide to grab some sushi and sit outside by a giant water fountain in front of my building waiting for the locksmith to arrive. The strata lady finds me in the courtyard with tool in hand to try and slide under the door to get my key. With great success we get the key...I give her a hi-five and enter my suite expecting to be greeted by an excited dog. I open my bedroom door....no dog. I don't panic quite yet because Charlie has escaped through my bedroom window before and he simply sat on the patio waiting desperately for me to come home. So I check the patio...no dog. I start to feel my heart race, palms sweat and the hysteria sets in. I grab my bike bust out the door and ride furiously through the back trails calling "Charlie". After several minutes I start becoming frantic. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. I call the animal shelters as I grip one handle of my bike, eyes blood shot while people stare at me as I peddle past them. No answer...then I hear a voice say: "If this is an emergency please call..." So I call the number, another f***ing answering machine!

Now I am freaking out, pissed off, and not knowing what to do next. So what do girls in desperation do? We call our ex-boyfriends. Don't ask me why girls often think this is the best option. So I call him...because after 2 years of being split up I still have his number programmed in my phone with his cute little nick name...what girl doesn't have their ex on speed dial...duh (feel the sarcasm here). So he answers which is ironic since he NEVER used to answer his phone. By this time I am a blubbering fool and can barely piece together a sentence because I am so distraught. I can hear his concern in his voice...and he says he will come right over to help me find Charlie. I decide to ride my bike over to the lake near my house...the phone rings...it's him...and he had his mom phone the other shelters I obviously didn't know existed...any ways...they found him. What a relief! So now I have to ride back to my place where my ex is waiting. My face is crimson from crying and riding my bike like a 'bat outta hell' and I am feeling rather stupid to have let my dog escape from my house. We go get the mutt who is so freaked out...he is yelping like someone is torturing him...pansy ass dog. So I pay the 50 bucks to get him out of prison...gave him a big hug...called him a dumb ass for taking off...and drank the biggest glass of wine imaginable as soon as I got home.

And that was my day from hell.

Keepn' It Real

Why is it that when you finally have the courage to speak how you truly feel the reaction is not ever what you expected or desired. You go through life holding back, burying it deeper and deeper until you feel the lump in your throat choke back those words that you want so badly to say. Growing up we seem to have developed this idea to keep the truth to ourselves if you feel it may hurt someone you care about. But in reality the more you avoid it, the harder it is to face it. That feeling in your gut, the rush of blood through your body, the uncontrollable butterflies...that is your true emotion...and you can't stop it no matter how hard you try. So what do we do...we hide them as best we can to avoid someone you care about knowing how you really feel. It may be that you are angry or upset with them and you simply don't want to hurt them or it may be that you desire them but you are too scared to find out that they don't desire you back. So we go through life reasoning with ourselves instead of being 'real' with ourselves. I admire those who simply say it like it is, no bullshit, and no worries. They are genuine, honest, and fearless and they are simply saying what everybody else is thinking.

I am going through many life changes and realizations, as you all may have noticed, and this is another hurdle that I wish to get over. From now on I am "Keepn' It Real" and so what if you don't like it. Life is short. Not only be honest with yourself, but be honest with those you care about.

I shall call her "LadyBug"

LadyBug - Hard on the outside yet soft in the middle. Her blood-red shell with her perfect black spots. Her willingness to take the hard road yet ready to take flight. She demands attention. All eyes on her with her striking colours as she sits idle on a bright green leaf. Ready for the unknown and willing to take a chance at adventure by travelling to new and exciting places.

Its all about me

I have struggled throughout my life trying to make others happy by putting my own feelings and needs aside. I would constantly worry about what others thought of me or how I could make people like me. The last few years I realized that focusing on making others happy made me miss out on my own happiness. I would continuously search for approval from others and try to be someone that I clearly wasn't.

Having realized that I was not focusing on myself and my needs...I made a change for the better. No longer do I compromise who I am to impress others. If I feel the need to be someone I am not to make that person like me, then clearly they are not someone I need in my life. So what if I say things that are politically incorrect, laugh at people when they hurt themselves (not seriously of course), and take an extra piece of cake when there may not be enough for everyone. I am learning to be selfish...not entirely selfish, but just a little.

We all need to look out for ourselves once in a while even if it means buying yourself a really great bike when you should be saving for something far more important. I know who my friends are and frankly I really don't need anymore. Don't get me wrong, I would love to meet new people and expand my network of friends, but if they don't cut it, I am not going to feel guilty about it. The friends I have make me happy, are proud of me, and support me no matter what stupid decisions I may make, which lately have been many.

So from now on...it's all about me, and I kinda like it.

Missing Pieces

She spent years of her life waiting, hoping, believing to find the piece of the puzzle she was missing
After much searching and disappointment, she finally gave up

She moved on and experienced life
But later on she realized that she still needed to find that piece to complete the puzzle

She took a chance and pulled out the box again
Both terrified and excited she scattered all the pieces onto the table and began to start over

She was almost done when she realized that there was still one piece missing

She now realizes that the puzzle she dreamt of was not meant to be completed
Now it is time for her to start a new puzzle and throw away the box with missing pieces

If I were a stalker...

Funny, Funny man...Dane Cook. Not only is he nice to look at, but he is gut splitting, face hurting, gasping for breath hilarious! You can watch a lot of his stuff on Youtube or rent his DVD stand up series. His stories will make you pee your pants or shoot water out your nose...seriously people check him out.

Thrill of the Ride

Twenty years have past and only now do I realize what I have been missing. Growing up, I loved riding my bike! To school, to the playground, to my friends' house. I remember pedaling like mad looking up at the street lights as they start to flicker and buzz. You see I had to be home before the street lights came on (my parent’s idea of a curfew is if it's dark out, it's late). I miss the warm breeze on my face, my hair blowing in the wind, coasting down a hill at full tilt..."look no hands!" I don't remember what happened to my trusty ten speed. Its funny what memories stick with you and what memories simply fade away.

Lately I have been driving past this bike shop in my hood and would gaze wide eyed at the pretty pink bikes with white handle bars and then flash back to my days of cruisn' on my Strawberry Shortcake bike with a banana seat designed for ultimate comfort and of course doubling your buddy. Finally on Tuesday I decided that I wanted to feel the wind in my hair again and the thrill of the ‘ride’. So I did it. I bought a bike...and not just any bike. It is a Rally Sport Cruiser. It’s white with red racing stripes, red spokes and it even has a basket with a little ladybug bell. I picked it up yesterday and took it for a spin. It was super-fantastic! I cannot wait until the sun is shining so I can cruise the beautiful parks that surround me, hit the kick stand and find a patch of grass to enjoy a lovely picnic! Photos to come!

The (Rock) Gods Must Be Crazy!

As I stroll in the mist of the Coquitlam River trails I feel something is watching over me. I turn down a path towards the river where brightly coloured moss and ferns hug its edge reaching for droplets of water. The raging river rushes past the shore, brown and murky from hard rains, its powerful rumblings surround me. I walk toward an opening in the trees. And there I see them. Tall, short, fat, thin, round, jagged. They watch my every move. They guard the forest with such stillness...their shiny outter shells glistening. They stand proud and protect their home with such calm and confidence. I feel like I am in a mystical fairytale and I have stumbled upon a world of rock people. I feel at peace as the sounds of the forest consumes me...it is magical. Thank you mystery rock people, you made me feel like a kid again and I loved every minute of it.